BIKER ROAD RULES
Midnight
Bugs taste Best
Saddlebags
can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need.
Wear
Heavy Boots. You can't kick things when you're wearin' sneakers
NEVER
argue with a woman holding a torque wrench
If
you're a complainer, ride at the back of the pack so you won't contaminate the rest of the group.
Never
try to race an old Geezer, he may have one more gear
than you.
The
size of the PISTON don't tell you nothin' about the
DEPTH of the stroke.
Home
is where your bike sits still long enough to leave a few drops of oil on the ground.
You'll
get farther down the road if you learn to use more than two fingers on the front brake.
Routine
maintenance should never be neglected
It
takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.
The
only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror.
Never
be afraid to slow down.
Only
Bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows.
Bikes
don't leak oil, they mark their territory.
Never
ask a biker for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.
If
it take more than 3 bolts to hold it on, it's probably crucial.
Anything
that shows up on more than 2 bikes is a FAD.
Remember
that you will be judged by the Horse you rode in on.
Don't
ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.
Pie
and Coffee are as important as gasoline.
The
number of kicks it takes to start your bike is directly proportional to the
number of spectators.
Never
ask your bike to scream before her throat is good and warm.
Sometimes
it takes a whole tank full of gas before you can think straight.
If
you want to get a job, you may have to compromise your principles,
you may even have to shave.
Riding
faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.
Never
hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.
Never
mistake Horsepower for staying power.
A
good rider has balance, judgment, and good timing. So does a good lover.
A
cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an exhaust pipe and
riding forty miles.
Never
do less then Forty miles before breakfast.
If
you don't ride in the rain-you don't ride.
A
bike on the road is worth 2 in the shop.
Respect
the person who has seen the Dark side of motorcycling and lived.
Young
riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
Overconfidence can be supplied by spare spark
plugs, a set of
wrenches, and a roll of
toilet paper.
Never
offer to fight an OLD geezer. If you win, there's NO glory. If you Lose, your
reputation is shot.
A
good wrench will let you watch without charging you for it.
Advice
is free and worth every penny.
Sometimes
the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.
Always
back your scoot into the curb-and sit where you can see it.
Work
to ride-Ride to work.
Whatever
it is, its better in the wind.
Two
lane blacktop isn't a highway-its an attitude.
When
you look down the road, it seems to never end-but you better believe it does.
A
biker can smell a party 5,000 miles away.
Winter
is Natures way of telling you to polish.
A
motorcycle can't sing on the streets of a city.
Keep
your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are NOT comfortable for walking.
People
are like Motorcycles: each is customized a bit differently.
More
races were won in the tavern than on the track.
Never
loan your bike to someone else, and never ride another's.
If
the bike ain't braking properly, you don't start by
rebuilding the engine.
Motorcycling
is a giant game of Mines Bigger than yours!
Remember
to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburetor.
Sometimes
the best communication happens when you're on seperate bikes.
Well-trained
reflexes are quicker than luck.
Good
coffee should be indistinquishable from 50 weight
motor oil.
The
best alarm clock is sunshine on Chrome.
Learn
to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.
The twisties-not the superslabs-seperate the bikers from the squids.
Beware
the biker whose ink peels off.
New
leather don't smell right.
When
you're riding lead--don't spit.
If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's
happening at least 5 cars ahead.
Don't
make a reputation you'll have to live down or run away from later.
If
the person in the next lane at the stoplight rolls up the window and locks the
door, support their view of life by snarling at them.
Smoke
and grease can hide a multitude of errors, but only for so long.
A
friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2am to drive his pickup to the
middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.
If
she changes her oil more than she changes her mind--follow her.
The
thicker your oil, the hotter you can take it.
Catchin a June bug @ 70 mph can
double your vocabulary.
If
you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.
There's
something ugly about a NEW bike on a trailer.
You
can always hear a classic open primary-it sounds like $1.34 in change is loose
in the friction plates.
Hunger
can make even roadkill taste good.
You gotta be smart enough to understand the rules of
motorcycling, and dumb enough to think the games important.
Don't
lead the pack if you don't know where you're goin'.
If
you leave without one of your group, you better hope he doesn't catch up at the next stop.
Sleep
with one arm thru the spokes and keep your pants on.
Practice
wrenching on your own bike.
Everyone
crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't.
Three
things can't be trusted: a fart, a cook, and a rear view mirror.
Beware
the biker who says the bike never breaks down.
Some
bikes run on 99-octane ego.
Owning
2 bikes is useful because at least one can be raided for parts at any given
time.
You'll
know she loves you if she offers to let you ride her bike. Don't do it and
she'll love you even more.
Don't
argue with an 18-wheeler.
Don't
lean on the horn 'til you're out of danger. Then blast it for all you're worth.
Never
be ashamed to unlearn an old habit.
Maintenance
is as much art as it is science.
A
good long ride can clear your mind, restore your faith, and use up a lot of
gasoline.
If
the countryside seems boring, stop, get off your bike, and go sit in the ditch long
enough to appreciate what was here before the asphalt came.
If
you can't get it goin with bungee cords and
electricians tape-it's serious.
If
you ride like there's no tomorrow-there won't be.
Bikes
parked out front mean good chicken-fried steak inside.
If
you want to complain about the pace being set by the road captain, you better
be prepared to lead the group yourself.
Gray-haired
bikers don't get that way from pure luck.
There
are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. there are NO old, drunk
bikers.
We
don't need no steenkin' weekend warriors.
Thin
leather looks good in the bar, but it won't save you from "road rash"
if you go down.
The best modifications cannot be seen from the
outside.
Always replace the cheapest parts first.
You
can forget what you do for a livin when your knees
are in the breeze.
No
matter what marque you ride, it's all the same wind.
It
takes both pistons and cylinders to make a bike run. One is not more important than
the other.